too long of an introduction, a bad first impression

I decided that this blog will be my little space for ranting.
basically, I need somewhere to ramble, and this will be it.
I have another blog, a style fashion sewing blog. I might put the link on sometime later, maybe we'll see.

So to start off I'll do a quick update on my life, note that this will be one of the only post explaining things like this.
I am a student, and there is a lot of pressure on me to have great grades, from my parents and even more from myself, 4.0 isn't good enough, if I am getting great grades I must not be taking hard enough classes. I am a bit of a perfectionist, really organized and germaphobic. I have acne, blond hair, and really long legs. I have bad allergies to pretty much every plant and animal, I have knee problems yet run anyway. I am tall thin and average in pretty much every way. I go to a white suburban upper middle-class public school. I don't drink or do drugs but if I want to get some it's just a couple phone calls away. At my school you are either a band kid or you're not. I'm not. I do theater, cross country, track, science bowl, and Model UN, I'm all honors classes and pull a 4.0 GPA. How do I have time for this? I don't, I get out of school at 2:20, I go to Model UN on Tuesdays till three, and Science Bowl on Thursdays till three, cross country everyday during the fall, track every other day during the winter, and every day during the spring. Track and cross country are till four or five depending on when I can get out. I am on costume crew for all the plays, costume is more flexible than any other crew, so I can come at four stay till six, unless it's hell week, then I am there from three till nine each night. most nights I am home by six, then I do family stuff like dinner, and talking to the parentals that pretend to care, well I bet they do, but mostly they are just glad that I am getting good grades and not doing drugs. then at seven I start the mountain of homework that I have each night, The four or five hours of high honors homework,yumm pleasant. then I have OCD neatness on top of that,so then there is a few hours of cleaning and such, and by then it's time to get up so I can be at school by 6:15. and still look good. okay some of that is an exaggeration, I don't normally clean for a few hours each night, I clean for about 30 minutes then sleep for a couple.
My life is mad yes but it's not as hard as it seems when I write it all down. I have time for friends and myself, and that's good, I made it all away through last semester without a burnout, major panic attack or freak out. This semester I hope to do the same.

This is the last you'll hear about any of this, I won't complain about my parents or school or bad grades. I won't freak out about having no time, I won't. this is my promise to myself.

This blog is my escape from that.

here's what I want to do with my life.
I want to be a fashion designer, I like fashion, and even more I making clothes and telling stories with them. I am not one of those girls who just say they want to be a designer because it's glamorous. I know it's not, I know that for the first few years I am going to be juggling a few part time jobs and internship and keeping my sanity, while struggling to pay rent on a shitty apartment that costs more a year then my parents house. I know this, I know that the business is cutthroat. I know that I may not have what it takes, and my path might change, I know this, and really I am that determined.
I like science, chemistry, I plan on being in AP chem next year, I'm stuck in honors Biology this year. being a chemical engineer with a degree from MIT is a pipe dream indeed. just to get in to MIT would be amazing.
I love, love, love helping with special needs kids, a career in special needs education with a specialty in disorders that originate somewhere other than the brain but cause learning disabilities would be ideal. I am going to be a counselor at a camp for disabled girls this summer, they mostly have physical disabilities, but a few have learning problems because of their disability.

Fashion is my main goal right now, I want a career in fashion more than anything, but I can always change, and my plans can switch.
I won't tell you what grade in school I am or my age because I think age limits us and changes the perseption others have on us. But I will say I have a few years before going to uni, and before I have to decide anything. Being the planner I am I already think about this way too much.
That needs to stop, so if you read anything planning more than a few months ahead in my blog, please leave a comment saying STOP IT RIGHT NOW. that and if I talk about anything that i said i wouldn't before yell at me aswell.

so now that I've told you what I won't be talking about, I'll let you know what the contents will be.
there will be feelings, moments, the things that let you connect with people, I will blog during the moments where I just can't think and need to get things out, there will be no filter, I will pour it all out, I will share my deepest feelings and thoughts with you. like it or not, please leave a comment reflecting, whatever, or read silently, secretly, read and think, let me touch you, show you something deeper, and please help me find something new.

here starts a new page, I won't explain myself any more because I think it's better that you get to know me as we go, it's much more organic that way. By the way I don't like to edit because then I over think and aren't as honest, so sorry if there are typos or run on sentences.

basically that's it for now and I'm off to do homework.